


never gonna giVE YOU UP

by medusawiththesnekhair



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (as a joke though), Adrichat, Bi Ladybug, Competitive Alix Kubdel and Lê Chiến Kim, Gen, Group Chat Fic, I think anyway, MLB texts, Multi, NO BETA WE DIE LIKE HEROES, Textfic, Texting, basically everyones gay in some way or another, chatfic, group chat au, group chat shenanigans, happy to say that there will be plot sort of eventually, lesbeean chloe bourgeois, pan chat noir, probably an identity reveal later, puns, there are lots of puns, utter fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23125429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusawiththesnekhair/pseuds/medusawiththesnekhair
Summary: buzz buzz bitch: i want to know the important informATIONthe chat’s meow: the end credits from ratatouille are called the end creditouillesladybug: you’re rightladybug: that’s very important
Comments: 94
Kudos: 413





	1. and then there was light (also known as a group chat)

{ _ ladybug added chat noir, rena rouge, queen bee and carapace _ }

{ _ ladybug renamed the chat miracu-squad _ }

**[** **_miracu-squad || 1:37 pm_ ** **]**

**ladybug:** hi

**ladybug:** this is so we can contact each other

**ladybug:** if there’s an akuma or something

{ _ chat noir joined the chat _ }

**chat noir:** pawsome.

**ladybug:** rule 1 - no puns

**ladybug:** also no identity stuff

**ladybug:** other than that

**ladybug:** go batshit

{ _ chat noir changed their name to the chat’s meow _ }

**the chat’s meow:** you’re no fun

**the chat’s meow:** but i’m unstoppawble

{ _ carapace joined the chat _ }

{ _ carapace changed their name to meenage tutant neetle teetle _ }

**the chat’s meow:** noice

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** why thank you

**the chat’s meow:** which one are you?

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** i dont know?

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** i haven’t actually watched the show in years

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** @rena can we watch it for date night?

{ _ rena rouge joined the chat _ }

**rena rouge:** for fucks sake we are not watching talking sewer turtles on date night

**the chat’s meow:** don’t you mean

**the chat’s meow:** for fox sake

{ _ the chat’s meow changed rena rouge’s name to for fox sake _ }

**for fox sake:** no i didn’t 

**for fox sake:** but okay

**for fox sake:** also

**for fox sake:** why is queen b here

{ _ queen bee joined the chat _ }

**queen b:** well excuse you i am a Hero

**ladybug:** one, be nice

**ladybug:** two, chloe’s getting her miraculous back

**ladybug:** with a rebrand

**ladybug:** so you get to pick a new name and outift too

**the chat’s meow:** i have a suggestion

**queen b:** it’s a pun isn;t it

**queen b:** *isn’t

**the chat’s meow:** ...no

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** i wanna hear

**the chat’s meow:** the bee’s knees

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** YES

**queen b:** no

{ _ the chat’s meow changed queen b’s name to the bee’s knees} _

**the bee’s knees:** please no

{ _ the bee’s knees changed their name to buzz buzz bitch _ }

**buzz buzz bitch:** that’s better

**the chat’s meow:** that’s a bad word

**ladybug:** baby

**for fox sake:** baby

**buzz buzz bitch:** baby

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** baby

**the chat’s meow:** i feel betrayed

**the chat’s meow:** i might leave now

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** no don’t leave you’re so sexy ahaha

**the chat’s meow:** i will stay

**ladybug:** :D

**[** **_miracu-squad || 1:09 am_ ** **]**

**the chat’s meow:** i has a very important for you all

**ladybug:** why are you awake

**the chat’s meow:** why are you awake?

**ladybug:** reasons

**the chat’s meow:** can’t argue with that

**buzz buzz bitch:** i want to know the important informATION

**the chat’s meow:** the end credits from ratatouille are called the end creditouilles

**ladybug:** you’re right

**ladybug:** that’s very important

**buzz buzz bitch:** how did you find that?

**the chat’s meow:** just google the soundtrack

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah but why did you find it

**the chat’s meow:** i was looking for the song from up and it’s by the same person

**the chat’s meow:** who has a great sense of humour btw

**ladybug:** oh married life?

**the chat’s meow:** lots of puns

**the chat’s meow:** yeah that one!

**buzz buzz bitch:** how? did you know? what song he was looking for?

**ladybug:** what can i say

**ladybug:** i’m psychic

**ladybug:** also i listen to movie soundtracks when i design stuff and that particular song is good

**ladybug:** all michael giacchino music is good tbh

**the chat’s meow:** i use them when i study

**the chat’s meow:** and when i drive to school

**buzz buzz bitch:** you can drive?

**the chat’s meow:** i wish

**the chat’s meow:** i get driven

**ladybug:** i walk but i have a playlist of long songs bc i don’t have premium

**ladybug:** top tips on how to cheat the system

**buzz buzz bitch:** wait that works? i just have premium

**the chat’s meow:** same

**ladybug:** just because you’re rich kids doesn’t mean you have to flex on the rest of us

**buzz buzz bitch:** but it’s no fun if we don’t

**the chat’s meow:** exactly

**the chat’s meow:** who else will we flex on?

**ladybug:** you’ve both lost coffee privileges

**buzz buzz bitch:** hey! i need that

**the chat’s meow:** sorry

**the chat’s meow:** we won’t flex on you anymore

**the chat’s meow:** but rena and carapace are free game

**ladybug:** they both have premium

**the chat’s meow:** never mind then

**the chat’s meow:** hey bee

**the chat’s meow:** why are you awake?

**buzz buzz bitch:** i had this function thing

**buzz buzz bitch:** very boring not fun

**ladybug:** oof

**buzz buzz bitch:** why are you awake?

**the chat’s meow:** i don’t sleep?

**the chat’s meow:** nah i’ve got a school project due tomorrow that i forgot about

**ladybug:** yuck

**ladybug:** oh wait shit so do i

**ladybug:** talk later?

**buzz buzz bitch:** sure

**the chat’s meow:** bye bug

**the chat’s meow:** this is fun but i should probably go back to my project

**buzz buzz bitch:** okay

**buzz buzz bitch:** bye

**[** **_miracu-squad || 4:25 am_ ** **]**

**the chat’s meow:** akuma by eiffel tower

**the chat’s meow:** come if you’re awake

**the chat’s meow:** unless you’re ladybug in which case come anyway

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** on my way

**ladybug:** goddamnit

**ladybug:** i just went to sleep

**ladybug:** be there soon

**[** **_miracu-squad || 7:03 am_ ** **]**

**ladybug:** someone shoot mothman please

**ladybug:** i want my sleep schedule back

**ladybug:** not that i had one in the first place

**ladybug:** but a night of uninterrupted sleep would be nice

**ladybug:** at least it’s saturday

**for fox sake:** it’s wednesday

**ladybug:** not anymore it isn’t

**for fox sake:** okay then but like

**for fox sake:** don’t you have school

**ladybug:** probably

**ladybug:** but who needs it

**for fox sake:** good point

**ladybug:** never mind my parents are making me get up

**ladybug:** i love them but like

**ladybug:** let me sleep

**the chat’s meow:** you love your parents?

**the chat’s meow:** imagine that

**ladybug:** are you okay?

**the chat’s meow:** probably not

**the chat’s meow:** but i have school now byeeeee

**ladybug:** chat?

**ladybug:** chat

**ladybug:** i’m bringing you croissants later


	2. ladybug, ladybug, does whatever a ladybug can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chloe comes out as a new superhero and also gay, so does everyone else, there are comics

**[ _miracu-squad_ || _10:31 am_ ]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** okay so

**buzz buzz bitch:** i think i’ve decided on my new name etc

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’m thinking lesbeean

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’m kidding

**buzz buzz bitch:** i think i’ll go with honey bee

**buzz buzz bitch:** so that’s a thing

**buzz buzz bitch:** haha

**buzz buzz bitch:** why aren’t any of you saying anything

**buzz buzz bitch:** i can see you’re online

**buzz buzz bitch:** say something

**the chat’s meow:** i’m giving up on you

**buzz buzz bitch:** not funny

**the chat’s meow:** sorry

**the chat’s meow:** but hey!

**the chat’s meow:** that’s cool

**the chat’s meow:** we can be happy and gay together

**buzz buzz bitch:** what

**the chat’s meow:** oh yeah

**the chat’s meow:** i’m pan

**buzz buzz bitch:** that’s neat

**ladybug:** since we’re doing this now i’m bi

**the chat’s meow:** wait really

**ladybug:** yeah

**buzz buzz bitch:** neat

**for fox sake:** i don’t know what i am but boys and girls are pretty cool

**buzz buzz bitch:** kinda stepping on my moment here

**buzz buzz bitch:** but like

**buzz buzz bitch:** this is cool

**buzz buzz bitch:** are we all gay?

**buzz buzz bitch:** turtle man come confirm

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** yeah nope i’m straight as a ruler

**the chat’s meow:** like one of those bendy ones?

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** nope sorry

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** but like

**meenage tutant neetle teetle:** gender is heckin weird so idk

{ _the chat’s meow has renamed the chat homosexual heroes + turtle man_ }

{ _the chat’s meow has renamed the chat homosexual heroes_ }

{ _the chat's meow has changed meenage tutant neetle teetle's name to turtle man_ }

**for fox sake:** hey ladybug

**for fox sake:** do you know if any of the temporary heroes are of the homosexual variety

**turtle man:** asfjhkdlfl

**ladybug:** i think a couple of them might?

**ladybug:** not sure

**ladybug:** also i think your boyf is dying

{ _turtle man has changed for fox sake’s name to of the homosexual variety_ }

**ladybug:** oh thats why

**ladybug:** also

**ladybug:** now that you’ve decided on a name and all we should probably do an interview or something about it

**of the homosexual variety:** we could do it on the ladyblog

**of the homosexual variety:** i know the girl who runs it

**ladybug:** yeah that’d work

**the chat’s meow:** we could use your mirage to have chloe in the video too

**the chat’s meow:** you know, to really sell it

**ladybug:** that’s a good idea

**ladybug:** when do you guys want to do it? 

**buzz buzz bitch:** this weekend?

**buzz buzz bitch:** or friday afternoon?

**buzz buzz bitch:** we can do it at my place

**ladybug:** oh yeah good idea

**ladybug:** shit teacher gotta go

**buzz buzz bitch:** bye then

**the chat’s meow:** bye!

**of the homosexual variety:** byewqw

**turtle man:** bye

**the chat’s meow:** are you okay?

**of the homosexual variety:** sorry teacher came past i was trying to say bye

**of the homosexual variety:** i should go now

**the chat’s meow:** yeah me too

**turtle man:** i gotta go

**buzz buzz bitch:** just leave me alone then

**buzz buzz bitch:** fake friends

**buzz buzz bitch:** jk love you

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ||11:23 _am_ ** **]**

**ladybug:** okay so does friday afternoon work for everyone?

**ladybug:** like around five maybe?

**of the homosexual variety:** can we go later? I have to look after my sisters then

**ladybug:** so like nine-ish?

**buzz buzz bitch:** that works for me

**turtle man:** me too

**the chat’s meow:** i mihgt have trouble getting out but i’ll be there

**ladybug:** so friday at nine it is

**[** **_miracu-squad_ || 4:01 _pm_ ** **]**

**the chat’s meow:** it’s come to my attention that bug doesn’t have a nickname

**the chat’s meow:** we need to change it

**buzz buzz bitch:** you just called her bug

**buzz buzz bitch:** that’s a nickname

**the chat’s meow:** no like in the chat

**buzz buzz bitch:** oh

**buzz buzz bitch:** um

**buzz buzz bitch:** i dunno

**buzz buzz bitch:** there’s buglady but that’s pretty basic

**the chat’s meow:** what about uh

**the chat’s meow:** uh

**the chat’s meow:** oh no i can’t think of any good puns

**the chat’s meow:** what has my life come to

**buzz buzz bitch:** there there *pat pat*

{ _ladybug has changed their name to buglady_ }

**buglady:** if that’ll stop your existential crisis then i’ll take it

**the chat’s meow:** no

**the chat’s meow:** it needs to be better

**the chat’s meow:** uhhhhhhhh

**of the homosexual variety:** i know!

{ _of the homosexual variety has changed buglady’s name to spiderman but different_ }

**spiderman but different:** i can accept this

**spiderman but different:** tbh spiderman is probably one of my faves

**of the homosexual variety:** i mean yeah

**of the homosexual variety:** but hawkeye for the win

**the chat’s meow:** but spiderman!

**the chat’s meow:** he has puns and everything!

**buzz buzz bitch:** it might be bc i’m gay but black widow

**of the homosexual variety:** yeah good point

**of the homosexual variety:** but like

**of the homosexual variety:** clint the walking disaster! and kate bishop! and lucky the pizza dog!

**spiderman but different:** good point

**spiderman but different:** and the runaways comics are very good

**spiderman but different:** they also have canon gays so like

**buzz buzz bitch:** guess what im reading this weekend then

**buzz buzz bitch:** okay so maybe not bc i can’t find a copy anywhere

**the chat’s meow:** i think i’ve got some of it somewhere that you can borrow

**the chat’s meow:** only if you’re careful with it though

**the chat’s meow:** my comics are very important to me

**buzz buzz bitch:** dont worry im pretty good at looking after things now

**buzz buzz bitch:** mostly anyway

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’ll take care of it

**buzz buzz bitch:** promise

**the chat’s meow:** okay

**the chat’s meow:** i’ll come over in like an hour? I’ve got homework

**buzz buzz bitch:** ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got really gay really fast. i didn't mean for that to happen. i'm not sure how it happened. i hope you liked it. 
> 
> next chapter: the class chat is actual anarchy


	3. hey hawkbitch (never gonna give you up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> class chat! chloe roasting hawkmoth! what else could you need

**class group chat names**

marinette - bread babe  
alya - i'll report u   
adrien - sunshine boy  
nino - cap-tain america  
chloe - that bitch™  
alix - zoom zoom  
nath - tomato  
max - smart boi  
kim - yeet or be yeeted  
mylene - jolene but different  
ivan - vans shoes  
rose - pink gay  
juleka - goth gay  
sabrina - be prepared

**[** **_absolute mayhem_ ** **||** **_5:12 pm_ ** **]**

**bread babe:** is there any homework for science i can’t remember

**jolene but different:** we just need to finish the worksheet from class

**bread babe:** ty!

**bread babe:** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ❤

**jolene but different:** no problem :D

**yeet or be yeeted:** there was a worksheet?

**zoom zoom:** yeah dipshit

**zoom zoom:** you turned it into a paper plane then chucked it in the bin

**yeet or be yeeted:** oh that worksheet

**pink gay:** dont worry its pretty easy

**smart boi:** There is however a 98.6% rise in difficulty because you don’t have the sheet

**yeet or be yeeted:** i’ll do it tomorrow

**i’ll report u:** okay so was it just me

**i’ll report u:** or did lb and cn get to the akuma really fast today

**that bitch™:** no one wants your conspiracy theories alya

**i’ll report u:** yeah but compared to yesterdays on the other side of the city when they took ages

**i’ll report u:** it means they must live nearby

**that bitch™:** or maybe there was something stopping them from transforming yesterday

**i’ll report u:** yeah but that always happens whenever it’s far away from this area

**that bitch™:** take your conspiracy theories somewhere else

**i’ll report u:** excuse you

**i’ll report u:** these are perfectly valid theories

**zoom zoom:** if you guys wanna argue take it somewhere else please

**that bitch™:** fine

**i’ll report u:** fine

**zoom zoom:** good

**sunshine boy:** oh wow whatd i miss

**bread babe:** alix, the disapproving parental figure we all need

**zoom zoom:** thanks

**yeet or be yeeted:** arent you too small to be a parental figure

**zoom zoom:** i’m tall enough to kick your ass

**yeet or be yeeted:** wanna try

**zoom zoom:** lets go

**zoom zoom:** carpark behind the school at 3

**yeet or be yeeted:** i’ll be there

**zoom zoom:** good

**cap-tain america:** what did i jus witness

**i’ll report u:** kim agreeing to get his ass beat

**yeet or be yeeted:** hey

**yeet or be yeeted:** i think we all know who’s going to win here

**zoom zoom:** me

**i’ll report u:** alix

**cap-tain america:** alix

**that bitch™:** alix

**bread babe:** alix

**goth gay:** alix

**sunshine boy:** alix

**smart boi:** alix

**jolene but different:** alix

**yeet or be yeeted:** you guys are mean

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:32 pm_ ** **]**

**the chat’s meow:** my class’s group chat is wild

**spiderman but different:** god same

**spiderman but different:** it goes from 0 to 100 in less than a minute

**of the homosexual variety:** it always starts normal though

**of the homosexual variety:** like with a science worksheet then i get yelled at for conspiracy theories

**of the homosexual variety:** and then theres two people who are going to fight each other? idk

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah a similar thing happened for me too

**turtle man:** same

**spiderman but different:** haha funny that

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_8:53 pm_ ** **]**

**spiderman but different:** can any of you do science

**spiderman but different:** i cant and i need help for a thing thats due tomorrow

**the chat’s meow:** what kind of science

**spiderman but different:** genetics

**the chat’s meow:** yeah i can do that

**the chat’s meow:** what do you need?

**spiderman but different:** uhh

**spiderman but different:** like pedigree charts and stuff

**spiderman but different:** i’ll send a photo

**the chat’s meow:** ok

**spiderman but different:** [ image.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/52/72/75/52727502c84e64445f9e5ec9c62951d8.jpg)

**the chat’s meow:** oh ok

**the chat’s meow:** i’m doing basically the same thing in class

**the chat’s meow:** can i call you? it’d be easier to explain

**spiderman but different:** sure

{ _the chat’s meow started a voice chat_ }

{ _spiderman but different joined the voice chat_ }

{ _the chat’s meow ended the voice chat_ }

**spiderman but different:** thanjs for helping me

**the chat’s meow:** no problem

**spiderman but different:** *thankd

**spiderman but different:** *thanks

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_9:36 pm_ ** **]**

**the chat’s meow:** i’m bored

**the chat’s meow:** anyone wanna go out

**turtle man:** go to sleep dude

**the chat’s meow:** but i caaaaan’t

**the chat’s meow:** and plagg’s being annoying

**turtle man:** who?

**the chat’s meow:** my kwami

**the chat’s meow:** you know how cats do that thing where they run around at night

**the chat’s meow:** yeah he does that but he flies too

**turtle man:** i mean you just said you wanna go for a run outside so like

**the chat’s meow:** shhhhhh

**the chat’s meow:** but like

**the chat’s meow:** wanna go out

**turtle man:** i would but wayzz is sleeping and i don’t want to wake him

**spiderman but different:** dont worry i’ll come

**spiderman but different:** im already awake

**spiderman but different:** where are you

**the chat’s meow:** home currently but meet you at eiffel?

**spiderman but different:** race you

**the chat’s meow:** haha i win

**spiderman but different:** no fair you probably live closer

**the chat’s meow:** i still win

**spiderman but different:** yeah yeah we get it you won

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_6:58 am_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** when did you guys figure out you could message each other

**spiderman but different:** like a month or so after the first akuma? idk

**buzz buzz bitch:** have you tried calling hawkmoth

**the chat’s meow:** queenie you’re a genius

**the chat’s meow:** we can annoy him into giving up

**buzz buzz bitch:** i was thinking more along the lines of using the tracker thing but okay

**buzz buzz bitch:** also i’m not queen bee anymore

**the chat’s meow:** right sorry

**spiderman but different:** the tracker only works if both people have it turned on

**spiderman but different:** we tried that a while ago

**buzz buzz bitch:** oh okay

**the chat’s meow:** i’m making a new chat just give me a moment

{ _chat noir created a chat_ }

{ _chat noir added ladybug, honey bee, rena rouge, carapace, hawkmoth and mayura_ }

{ _chat noir renamed the chat superpeople_ }

**[** **_superpeople_ ** **||** **_7:01 am_ ** **]**

**chat noir:** heyyyyyy

{ _ladybug joined the chat_ }

**ladybug:** oh wow this actually worked

{ _honey bee joined the chat_ }

**chat noir:** we just need to wait and see if hawkmoth joins

**honey bee:** ok so i just googled hawk moths

**honey bee:** and honestly they are very ugly

**honey bee:** and are also known as hornworms so like

**honey bee:** not the best name choice tbh

**chat noir:** oh wow honey bee out here roasting hawkmoth

{ _honey bee changed hawkmoth’s name to hawkbitch_ }

**ladybug:** why didn’t wwe think of this earlier

**honey bee:** you’re welcome

**ladybug:** thank you

**chat noir:** and now we wait

{ _rena rouge joined the chat_ }

**rena rouge:** when i woke up this morning this is not what i was expecting

**honey bee:** you’re welcome

**rena rouge:** thanks

**rena rouge:** lemme text carapace to tell him about this

{ _carapace joined the chat_ }

**ladybug:** okay yeah i googled hawk moths too 

**ladybug:** bee’s right they really are ugly

**carapace:** ohhhh

**carapace:** yeah that really was a bad choice dude

**chat noir:** i’m on wikipedia now and i really want to know if he can hover

**chat noir:** @hawkbitch tell us if you can fly

**chat noir:** oh wait you can only go up to 12 miles an hour

**chat noir:** that’s not very fast

**ladybug:** do you think hawkmoth has wings

**ladybug:** and if he does, how big are they

**rena rouge:** ladybug out here asking the real questions

**honey bee:** i want to know if he has antennae

**chat noir:** oh my god yes

{ _hawkbitch has joined the chat_ }

**chat noir:** he’s HERE

**hawkbitch:** What is this?

**carapace:** haha you use proper sentences

**honey bee:** of course he does he’s hawkmoth

**hawkbitch:** Is this chat for you to give me your miraculouses?

**ladybug:** oh yes of courseeee

**ladybug:** why wouldn’t it be

**ladybug:** its not like we havent spent the last two years of our lives fighting you

**honey bee:** hey hawkmoth

**honey bee:** i found this really cool video i think you’ll like

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**rena rouge:** sdfhkjas is it bad i recognise the link

**chat noir:** he isn’t responding

**chat noir:** hawkbitchhhhhh come back we’re sorry

**chat noir:** not really but it was funny 

**ladybug:** guys theres an akuma by notre dame

**chat noir:** that explains it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this might be my favourite chapter so far. also, the picture that mari sends chat is how i imagine the group chat would look like if it was in real life.


	4. honey bee knows all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the temporary heroes get added (sort of), rena and carapace get revealed and chloe knows all

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_12:23 am_ ** **]**

**of the homosexual variety:** someone please tell hawkmoth to get some sleep

**of the homosexual variety:** just because he’s awake all hours of the day doesn’t mean i want to be

**spiderman but different:** mood

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_7:59 am_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** can we add the temporary heroes

**spiderman but different:** sure lemme get them

{ _spiderman but different has added ryuko, viperion, pegase and roi singe_ }

**spiderman but different:** oh wait i forgot bunnyx

**of the homosexual variety:** who?

{ _spiderman but different has added bunnyx_ }

**spiderman but different:** oh yeah

**spiderman but different:** she’s the rabbit/time travel person who showed up with timetagger

**spiderman but different:** also when the world was accidentally destroyed 

**spiderman but different:** but i fixed it so it’s fine

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’m sorry what

**spiderman but different:** technically she doesn’t have her miraculous yet but she’s cool so

**buzz buzz bitch:** are we just ignoring that the world was destroyed?

**of the homosexual variety:** no

**of the homosexual variety:** please tell us what happened

**spiderman but different:** haha no

**turtle man:** you can’t tell us the world was destroyed and then not tell us why

**spiderman but different:** yes i can

**of the homosexual variety:** we will hunt you down

**spiderman but different:** fine

**spiderman but different:** i can’t tell you everything bc identities tho

**spiderman but different:** and also i can’t really remember bc miraculous cure

**buzz buzz bitch:** are you saying you can wipe our memories

**spiderman but different:** i guess? I’m not really sure how it works

**spiderman but different:** anyway

**spiderman but different:** i gave the guy i liked a present but i had to do it fast and he saw me, figured out it was me and came to see me?

**spiderman but different:** hawkmoth found out? and then he got akumatised i think

**spiderman but different:** basically his powers destroyed everything

**spiderman but different:** it was freaky

**spiderman but different:** there were like statues of dead people? including me and everything was underwater

**spiderman but different:** and there was a hole in the moon

**spiderman but different:** anyway i fixed it somehow and everything was fine

**buzz buzz bitch:** jesus christ

**the chat’s meow:** wow i missed a lot

**spiderman but different:** also alya if any of this ends up on the ladyblog i know where you live

**the chat’s meow:** alya isn’t in this chat

**spiderman but different:** shit

**buzz buzz bitch:** wait so alya’s rena

**buzz buzz bitch:** so carapace is nino?

**turtle man:** what haha no of course not

**buzz buzz bitch:** i mean you better hope so or otherwise she’s flirting with some other guy

**turtle man:** yeah that’s fair

**turtle man:** yes i’m nino

**of the homosexual variety:** also ladybug, you don’t have to worry 

**of the homosexual variety:** i don’t put anything from this chat on the ladyblog

**spiderman but different:** okay cool thanks

**buzz buzz bitch:** question

**buzz buzz bitch:** why did you pick the ladyblogger to be a miraculous holder?

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’m not saying it was bad to pick her but like

**buzz buzz bitch:** out of all the people you pick a person who has a blog that half of paris looks at

**of the homosexual variety:** i was going to be offended but thats a fair question

**spiderman but different:** yweah

**turtle man:** yweah

**of the homosexual variety:** yweah

**spiderman but different:** she was near where the akuma was and also i figured i could trust her? she’s helped us before

**buzz buzz bitch:** yweah

**the chat’s meow:** yweah

**spiderman but different:** you guys are meanies

**of the homosexual variety:** sorry please don’t take my miraculous away

**spiderman but different:** i won’t

**spiderman but different:** tbh we need the whole team bc i would like to sleep sometimes

**buzz buzz bitch:** does this mean we get to know your names now

**spiderman but different:** no

**spiderman but different:** i trust you guys with my life but not yet

**the chat’s meow:** hey also question

**the chat’s meow:** don’t you have to sync up your phone with the miraculous to be able to chat

**the chat’s meow:** bc if so, the temporary people haven’t got theirs right now do they

**spiderman but different:** shit you’re right

**spiderman but different:** i’ll do that after school

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_10:15 am_ ** **]**

**of the homosexual variety:** is it just me or is it weird that nearly all of us are in the same class

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah

**buzz buzz bitch:** i mean i found mine by accident so i don’t know if i can be counted

**the chat’s meow:** your class?

**buzz buzz bitch:** no my miraculous remember

**the chat’s meow:** oh right

**of the homosexual variety:** no but do you think that we know ladybug?

**of the homosexual variety:** do you think they’re in our class?

**the chat’s meow:** hey what about me?

**of the homosexual variety:** yeah you too but she gave us our miraculous

**of the homosexual variety:** miraculouses?

**of the homosexual variety:** miraculi?

**of the homosexual variety:** what’s the plural of miraculous

**buzz buzz bitch:** idk

**the chat’s meow:** whatever you want it to be i guess

**of the homosexual variety:** anyway

**of the homosexual variety:** i’m going to rule out our class bc everyone’s been akumatised

**buzz buzz bitch:** adrien hasn’t

**buzz buzz bitch:** neither has marinette

**of the homosexual variety:** oh yeah

**the chat’s meow:** marinette was multimouse though

**of the homosexual variety:** really? I don’t remember that

**the chat’s meow:** i think i was the only one to see her

**spiderman but different:** guys you’re supposed to be in science

**spiderman but different:** and ms mendeleiev will read what you’ve been doing on your phone out to everyone

**of the homosexual variety:** i’m not on my phone, i hooked it up to my computer too

**the chat’s meow:** oh neat can you show me how

**of the homosexual variety:** sure

**buzz buzz bitch:** how do you know we’re in science ladybug?

**the chat’s meow:** please tell

**spiderman but different:** uh lucky guess?

**buzz buzz bitch:** you mentioned our teacher by name

**spiderman but different:** i went past outside and saw you 

**spiderman but different:** and she’s been akumatised so i’ve talked to her before

**spiderman but different:** also you guys have talked about her before

**buzz buzz bitch:** i guess i can let that pass

**buzz buzz bitch:** but only because i already know who you are and it’s funny to watch

**spiderman but different:** im sorry WHAT

**[** **_private message: ladybug + honey bee_ ** **]**

**ladybug:** you know who i am?

**honey bee:** yeah and chat noir too

**ladybug:** how long have you known?

**honey bee:** idk, a while

**ladybug:** just please don’t tell anyone

**honey bee:** i wouldn’t

**honey bee:** i know how much taht means to you

**ladybug:** taht

**honey bee:** just bc i can’t sell

**honey bee:** spell

**honey bee:** shut up

**honey bee:** you’re doing a very bad job of not laughing

**honey bee:** i can see you stop it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry this took so long, real-life things happened and yeah. anyway! i really love the idea of Chloe knowing all and just watching everything go down. also, adrichat and maribug will be in the next chapter bc tumblr is cursed (part of why I love it tbh but anyway)


	5. everyone here drinks too much coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots of coffee, adrichat and movie night

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_11:20 am_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** okay i’m getting coffee at lunch because i’m dying

**buzz buzz bitch:** who else wants some

**of the homosexual variety:** me

**of the homosexual variety:** i ran out half an hour ago

**turtle man:** if you’re getting some i’ll have it

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’ll get some for marinette and adrien too so it doesn’t look weird

**of the homosexual variety:** you getting coffee for us looks weird

**buzz buzz bitch:** so you don’t want coffee?

**of the homosexual variety:** no i want it desperately please

**of the homosexual variety:** i’m just saying it’s not like you to get coffee for anyone else

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’m doing a nice thing okay

**turtle man:** noice

**of the homosexual variety:** i’ll get mari to get more pastries so you can have some too

**of the homosexual variety:** is sabrina coming too?

**buzz buzz bitch:** no we had a fight

**buzz buzz bitch:** now she’s lila’s best friend

**of the homosexual variety:** oh shit

**of the homosexual variety:** you can come hang with us

**buzz buzz bitch:** ok

**[** **_private message: adrien + chloe_ ** **]**

**adrien:** are you okay

**adrien:** i heard you and sabrina had a fight

**chloe:** yeah i’ll be okay

**chloe:** it’s kinda my fault anyway

**chloe:** i told her that she should try being friends with other people 

**chloe:** but i didn’t mean like that

**adrien:** that;s shitty

**adrien:** you’ve got us now though

**chloe:** yeah

**chloe:** thanks

**adrien:** did you just say thank you?

**adrien:** did chloe bourgeois just say thank you?

**adrien:** i’m screenshotting this

**chloe:** oh shut up

**chloe:** i’m deleting it

**adrien:** too late

**chloe:** go do your science 

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:16 pm_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** hey chat any reason i just saw you coming out of adrien’s bedroom?

**of the homosexual variety:** i’m sorry WHAT

**buzz buzz bitch:** anything you want to tell us?

**the chat’s meow:** NO

**of the homosexual variety:** he’s hiding something for sure

**of the homosexual variety:** cmon you gotta tell us now

**spiderman but different:** [here’sthetea.gif](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HgyAYqVU6nI/Xp44jnfYpLI/AAAAAAAAFjs/bEqlE-AzZ0kOiUc08TnYzLJLigTYGY7IwCK8BGAsYHg/s0/2020-04-20.gif)

**of the homosexual variety:** (i’m stealing that)

**spiderman but different:** (ok)

**of the homosexual variety:** ANYWAY

**of the homosexual variety:** why were you in adrien’s room

**the chat’s meow:** he had a coffee voucher that was about to expire so he said i could have it?

**the chat’s meow:** bc he wouldn’t be able to get out tonight

**of the homosexual variety:** mmkay

**of the homosexual variety:** any other reasons?

**the chat’s meow:** no?

**of the homosexual variety:** you’re not secretly dating him or something?

**the chat’s meow:** …

**the chat’s meow:** why would you think that

**of the homosexual variety:** HE’S NOT DENYING IT

**the chat’s meow:** I’M NOT CONFIRMING IT EITHER

**buzz buzz bitch:** it’s because of your father isn’t it

**buzz buzz bitch:** he wouldn’t let him date a superhero so you’ve got it on the down low

**the chat’s meow:** i need to have words with you

**[** **_private message: chat noir + honeybee_ ** **]**

**chat noir:** why are you doing this

**honeybee:** it’s funny

**chat noir:** but you know who i am don’t you?

**honeybee:** that’s exactly why it’s funny

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:21 pm_ ** **]**

**of the homosexual variety:** what do you think they’re talking about

**turtle man:** oh wow this is not what i was expecting

**spiderman but different:** idk

**spiderman but different:** i know she knows his identity tho

**of the homosexual variety:** wait really

**[** **_private message: chat noir + honeybee_ ** **]**

**chat noir:** chloeeeee

**chat noir:** stop it i don’t wike it

**honeybee:** but it’s funnyyyyy

**chat noir:** pretty please with a cherry on top

**honeybee:** maybe

**chat noir:** you can pick what i wear tomorrow

**honeybee:** a week

**chat noir:** two days

**honeybee:** four days

**chat noir:** my final offer is three

**honeybee:** deal

**honeybee:** and you won’t complain?

**chat noir:** i definitely will

**honeybee:** cmonnnn i could keep this going all night if i really wanted to

**chat noir:** fine i won’t complain

**honeybee:** and you’ll pretend you picked the outifts yourself

**chat noir:** outifts

**honeybee:** shut up

**chat noir:** fine i’ll pretend i picked them myself

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:22 pm_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** we have returned

**of the homosexual variety:** and?

**buzz buzz bitch:** they’re not dating

**turtle man:** disappointing

**turtle man:** i would’ve liked to see that

**chat noir:** please stop

**spiderman but different:** what would the ship name be?

**spiderman but different:** adrinoir? chadrien?

**buzz buzz bitch:** haha chad

**of the homosexual variety:** ADRICHAT

**turtle man:** i approve

**spiderman but different:** so do i

**buzz buzz bitch:** i would but i worry about what would happen if i did

**the chat’s meow:** you should

**spiderman but different:** ANYWAY

**spiderman but different:** you said you have a coffee voucher?

**the chat’s meow:** yes?

**spiderman but different:** where you at i’m coming

**of the homosexual variety:** i heard coffee i’m in

**turtle man:** i’m bored so i’ll come

**buzz buzz bitch:** he’s by the arc de triomphe

**of the homosexual variety:** on my way

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_6:34 pm_ ** **]**

**spiderman but different:** okay that was fun but we should try going incognito next time so we don’t get mobbed

**spiderman but different:** like wear clothes over our suits or something

**the chat’s meow:** yes!

**of the homosexual variety:** we should do that more often

**of the homosexual variety:** bc we don’t get to hang out like that usually

**of the homosexual variety:** there’s usually a lot more screaming/akumas

**buzz buzz bitch:** that’s true

**buzz buzz bitch:** you guys could come to my place sometimes

**buzz buzz bitch:** and like watch movies and stuff

**the chat’s meow:** i vote we start friday movie night or something

**the chat’s meow:** or whatever day etc works best

**buzz buzz bitch:** and we can do it at mine

**buzz buzz bitch:** it’s not like i’m short on space

**spiderman but different:** ok!

**buzz buzz bitch:** and i have A Lot of movies too

**of the homosexual variety:** i might have to skip sometimes bc babysitting but im in

**turtle man:** yeah sounds fun

**turtle man:** and our kwamis can hang out too

**turtle man:** i know wayzz misses the others

**of the homosexual variety:** yeah same here

**buzz buzz bitch:** so next friday?

**the chat’s meow:** i’ll be there

**the chat’s meow:** after 5 though bc i have fencing

**buzz buzz bitch:** okay

**buzz buzz bitch:** so around 6ish then?

**spiderman but different:** works for me

**of the homosexual variety:** same here

**turtle man:** me too

**buzz buzz bitch:** so as long as hawkmoth doesn’t crash the party, what do you wanna watch

**of the homosexual variety:** can we watch the lb&cn movie

**of the homosexual variety:** i havent seen it yet

**buzz buzz bitch:** sure

**buzz buzz bitch:** anyone who doesn’t want to?

**spiderman but different:** i’m good with it

**the chat’s meow:** i’m up fur it

**turtle man:** yeah okay

**buzz buzz bitch:** cool

**buzz buzz bitch:** also chat your puns aren’t funny i saw that

**the chat’s meow:** excuse you they are hilarious

**the chat’s meow:** guys back me up here

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_11:49 pm_ ** **]**

  
**the chat’s meow:** you guys are mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in two days i'm on a roll! (wait never mind I don't know what day it is) ANYWAY, I hope you liked it, it was fun to write. Also, I'm really tempted to write this but in proper fic format so all the events line up and there'll be extra stuff too. maybe one day. i feel like I was going to say something else but I've forgotten so I won't.
> 
> next time: the class chat adds lila, movie night and they spam hawkmoth bc why not
> 
> (my tumblr is @medusawiththesnekhair if you wanna come find me)  
> (or @idiots-to-lovers for my ml one)


	6. HEY NOW YOU'RE AN ALL STAR GET YOUR GAME ON GO PLAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lila is added to the class chat, a plan to take her down is made and everyone hates hawkmoth so they spam him

**[** **_absolute mayhem_ ** **||** **_8:13 am_ ** **]**

**zoom zoom:** our essay deadline is pushed back bc akumas

**zoom zoom:** hawkmoth has officially done one (1) good thing

**yeet or be yeeted:** wait really yessssss

**i’ll report u:** i haven’t started yet

**sunshine boy:** it’s still due in three days so you might want to get started

**i’ll report u:** rip my sleep schedule then

**bread babe:** you never had one

**i’ll report u:** that’s true but no need to expose me like that

**cap-tain america:** we already knew

**i’ll report u:** ok yeah that’s fair you can stop now

{ _pink gay added lila rossi to absolute mayhem_ }

**pink gay:** i just realised that lila wasn’t in the chat

**be prepared:** hi lila!

**be prepared:** i finished your notes for english today

**lila rossi:** aw thanks sabrina!

**lila rossi:** sorry i couldn’t do it myself, the arthritis in my hand was acting up really badly today

**be prepared:** no problem!

**be prepared:** i can do your geography homework too if you want

**lila rossi:** could you? i don’t think i’ll be able to do it because i’m video-calling prince ali about my pollution project tonight

**pink gay:** say hi to him from me!

**lila rossi:** of course!

**zoom zoom:** does anyone know where my skates are

**zoom zoom:** i swear to god kim if you put them on top of the lockers again

**yeet or be yeeted:** it wasn’t me!

**yeet or be yeeted:** this time anyway

**tomato:** i think i saw them up the back of the class

**zoom zoom:** thanks nath

**tomato:** np

{ _bread babe created a chat_ }

{ _bread babe added i’ll report u, sunshine boy, cap-tain america and that bitch™_ }

{ _bread babe renamed the chat mayhem minus lila_ }

**[** **_mayhem minus lila_ ** **||** **_8:15 am_ ** **]**

**bread babe:** can someone please stop lila before she hurts someone

**that bitch** ™ **:** i thought alya and nino were on the lila train to hell

**i’ll report u:** i was until she claimed to be rena rouge

**that bitch™:** ah i see

**sunshine boy:** won’t people pick up on her lies eventually if she can’t prove any of them?

**cap-tain america:** i mean maybe that’s how we got here

**that bitch™:** it’ll take too long

**that bitch™:** and could get a lot of people akumatized

**i’ll report u:** chloe or mari, do you think you could bring jagged in or something?

**that bitch™:** i mean probably

**bread babe:** i’ve got a jacket he commissioned that i could get him to pick up at school

**that bitch™:** i’ve got prince ali’s number too

**i’ll report u:** i could probably put a thing on the ladyblog to see if lb or cn will come in too

**sunshine boy:** that’d probably be good in case she gets akumatized too

**bread babe:** yeah good point

**bread babe:** ok i’ve texted jagged and he said that he can pick it up on monday at lunch

**i’ll report u:** that was fast

**bread babe:** yeah he’s adopted me? idk

**bread babe:** he keeps trying to get me to call him uncle jagged

**bread babe:** ANYWAY

**bread babe:** we’re gonna want to make sure that she’s there as well as most of the class

**cap-tain america:** that should be easy if it’s between period 4 and lunch

**cap-tain america:** if everyone’s in the locker room, just say it a little louder than you would usually and everyone will follow to see him

**bread babe:** good idea

**sunshine boy:** oh wow we actually have a coherent plan

**sunshine boy:** and school hasn’t even started yet

**i’ll report u:** why do you sound so surprised

**i’ll report u:** we have mari on our side and she is unstoppable

**sunshine boy:** yeah she could probably go up against ladybug and win

**i’ll report u:** i hope you never get akumatized mari

**bread babe:** safjh

**that bitch™:** you okay?

**bread babe:** yep fine!

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_8:32 am_ ** **]**

**of the homosexual variety:** hey ladybug and chat noir

**of the homosexual variety:** is there any chance you could show up at my school around lunch on monday?

**spiderman but different:** i might? I’ve got something else on then but i’ll try

**the chat’s meow:** yeah same here

**spiderman but different:** we’ll try to swing by if we can

**of the homosexual variety:** okay cool

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_12:54 pm_ ** **]**

**turtle man:** akuma at school

**buzz buzz bitch:** you don’t think we noticed?

**turtle man:** lb and chat might not have

**the chat’s meow:** we’re here do you know who it is

**of the homosexual variety:** girl in the year below us i think

**of the homosexual variety:** something happened in the art room idk what

**spiderman but different:** akuma’s in her headband

**spiderman but different:** nice work guys

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_3:02 pm_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** akuma at the hotel

**buzz buzz bitch:** it wasn’t me

**spiderman but different:** on my way

**the chat’s meow:** do you think hawkmoth could be blind

**the chat’s meow:** bc this one is really ugly

**spiderman but different:** chat focus

**turtle man:** he’s got a point

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_11:49 pm_ ** **]**

**of the homosexual variety:** goddamnit

**of the homosexual variety:** another one by montparnasse

**the chat’s meow:** whyyyyyyyyy

**turtle man:** guys where’s ladybug we kinda need her

**spiderman but different:** coming

**spiderman but different:** my kwami had to wake me

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_1:02 am_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** i know you’re all awake 

**buzz buzz bitch:** so who wants to join me in the spamming of hawkmoth

**buzz buzz bitch:** i’m bored and he’s annoying as hell

**the chat’s meow:** i’m in

**[** **_superpeople_ ** **||** **_1:03 am_ ** **]**

**honey bee:** hawkbitchhhhh

**honey bee:** time to deprive you of sleep

**chat noir:** *bangs pots and pans*

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**chat noir:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**chat noir:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**chat noir:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**honey bee:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

**chat noir:** SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME

**honey bee:** I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED

**chat noir:** SHE WAS LOOKING KINDA DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB

**honey bee:** IN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD

**chat noir:** WELL

**chat noir:** THE YEARS START COMING AND THEY DON’T STOP COMING

**carapace:** FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING

**honey bee:** DIDN’T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN

**rena rouge:** YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB

**ladybug:** SO MUCH TO DO SO MUCH TO SEE

**chat noir:** SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH TAKING THE BACK STREETS

**carapace:** YOU’LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON’T GO

**honey bee:** YOU’LL NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON’T GLOW

**ladybug:** HEY NOW

**chat noir:** YOU’RE AN ALL STAR

**rena rouge:** GET YOUR GAME ON

**carapace:** GO PLAY

**honey bee:** ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD

**chat noir:** ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD

**ladybug:** see hawkmoth this is true teamwork

**ladybug:** do you think you could do that on three hours of sleep?

**honey bee:** he better not be sleeping

**honey bee:** if we can’t sleep neither can he

**rena rouge:** wait i’ve been fiddling with the settings

**rena rouge:** and you can set a ringtone for him to hear when you message him

**chat noir:** everyone set never gonna give you up at full volume

**ladybug:** done

**carapace:** he’s gonna hate us

**honey bee:** good

**rena rouge:** he already does

**hawkbitch:** I don’t hate you, I hate that you won’t give me your miraculous

**honey bee:** see? he sounds like a bad father

**honey bee:** do you have children hawkmoth?

**carapace:** he’s not answering

**honey bee:** that means he’s a bad father

**honey bee:** maybe he’s gone to check on his kids bc he realised he’s a bad father

**chat noir:** second verse?

**honey bee:** second verse

**chat noir:** IT’S A COOL PLACE AND THEY SAY IT ONLY GETS COLDER

**honey bee:** YOU’RE BUNDLED UP NOW WAIT UNTIL YOU GET OLDER

**rena rouge:** BUT THE METEOR MEN BEG TO DIFFER

**ladybug:** JUDGING BY THE HOLE IN THE SATELLITE PICTURE

**carapace:** THE ICE WE SKATE IS GETTING PRETTY THIN

**honey bee:** THE WATER’S GETTING WARM SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL SWIM

**chat noir:** MY WORLD’S ON FIRE HOW ABOUT YOURS

**chat noir:** JDFKLDGS

**chat noir:** SDKFJH’;’kscalj

**ladybug:** THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED

**chat noir:** kshafa;JDSG’DSALK;H

**ladybug:** you okay chat?

**honey bee:** chat noir?

**rena rouge:** where’d you go?

**carapace:** dude what happened

**chat noir:** so hawkmoth did go check on his kids yeet

**chat noir:** it’s me i’m the kid

**ladybug:** shit where are you

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_1:14 am_ ** **]**

**spiderman but different:** chat?

**the chat’s meow:** eiffel currently

**the chat’s meow:** i don’t know if he’s coming after me or not

**buzz buzz bitch:** we’re on our way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i gotta say, i did not plan this at all. it wasn't going to be a takedown lila fic and i didn't plan on this happening either. but like,,,,,,it's fun and it's probably going to go horribly wrong but now i know what to write. ANYWAY, i hope you liked it, kudos and comments are always appreciated and the next chapter should be up soon (and yes i did plan it so chat's last line was 'my world's on fire how about yours')
> 
> (my tumblr is @medusawiththesnekhair)  
> (my ml one is @idiots-to-lovers)


	7. we're getting the gang together again! (also known as parents 2: electric boogaloo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previously, on never gonna giVE YOU UP: lila gets added to the class chat + a plan is made to take her down, there are too many goddamn akumas, hawkbitch gets spammed by the gang and mothman got found out

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_3:27 am_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** ok so adrien you’re going to stay here with me

**buzz buzz bitch:** technically i don’t have any ties to you guys either bc technically i’m not a hero anymore

**buzz buzz bitch:** and it would make sense if he stayed with me too

**buzz buzz bitch:** so i should be fairly safe as well

**spiderman but different:** and you’ve got security as well if you need to stop the asshole from entering too

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah that too

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_4:01 am_ ** **]**

**spiderman but different:** okay can we just pool what we know

**spiderman but different:** so we can get everything straight with everyone

**of the homosexual variety:** that’ll be difficult

**spiderman but different:** shh focus

**of the homosexual variety:** sorry

**spiderman but different:** anyway

**spiderman but different:** we know that gabriel agreste is hawkmoth

**spiderman but different:** we can assume that nathalie is mayura

**spiderman but different:** we don’t know what he wants to use the miraculous for

**spiderman but different:** we also don’t know if he knows that adrien is chat noir

**turtle man:** wouldn’t it be kind of obvious if adrien turned into his catsuit to get out tho?

**of the homosexual variety:** he turned into snake boy bc he was going to give viperion it tomorrow (today?) but hawky probably saw plagg

**turtle man:** oh right

**the chat’s meow:** you guys should probably go home now so you don’t get caught out

**spiderman but different:** no you need us right now 

**spiderman but different:** we can stay a couple more hours

**turtle man:** and besides there’s probably going to be an akuma sooner or later to try and get him back

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_9:42 am_ ** **]**

{  _ bunnyx joined the chat _ }

**bunnyx:** i feel like this is a bad time

**bunnyx:** should i come back later?

**spiderman but different:** no we need all the help we can get right now tbh

**of the homosexual variety:** are the rest of the temps joining

**spiderman but different:** yeah i got them linked up this morning

**spiderman but different:** they should be here soon enough

{  _ roi singe joined the chat _ }

**spiderman but different:** if you want to catch up on what’s happened scroll up

{  _ viperion joined the chat _ }

**roi singe:** so when are we kicking mothman ass?

**turtle man:** soon hopefully

**turtle man:** i’ve wanted to fight him since before i knew he was hawkmoth

**spiderman but different:** we just need to plan first and then ass-kicking will commence

{  _ ryuko joined the chat _ }

**ryuko:** you have my sword if we’re fighting mr agreste

**bunnyx:** i like your enthusiasm

**ryuko:** thank you

**buzz buzz bitch:** is this everyone?

**spiderman but different:** we still need pegase i think and then that’s us

**spiderman but different:** chat you’re on names

**the chat’s meow:** okay

{ _ the chat’s meow changed bunnyx’s name to human tardis _ }

**human tardis:** thank you

**human tardis:** i feel blessed

**the chat’s meow:** you’re welcome

**the chat’s meow:** i’ve been planning this for a while

{  _ the chat’s meow changed viperion’s name to snek boi _ }

{  _ the chat’s meow changed roi singe’s name to mr monkey man _ }

**mr monkey man:** i should feel offended but somehow i’m not

{  _ the chat’s meow changed ryuko’s name to the avatar _ }

**the avatar:** i’ve watched this show

**the chat’s meow:** yesss it’s so good i’ve watched it at least three times

**the chat’s meow:** my maman showed it to me

{  _ pegase joined the chat _ }

**the chat’s meow:** shit

**the chat’s meow:** bug i figured it out

**the chat’s meow:** i think he wants to bring her back

**spiderman but different:** at least it means he’s not as likely to try and take over the world or something?

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah he’s just delusional

**spiderman but different:** chloe be nice

{  _ the chat’s meow changed pegase’s name to ponyboy _ }

**[** **_private message: ladybug + chat noir_ ** **]**

**ladybug:** now that basically everyone knows who everyone is

**ladybug:** do you want to tell each other?

**ladybug:** i mean

**ladybug:** i already know who you are

**ladybug:** but do you want to know who i am

_ chat noir is typing... _

**chat noir:** bug i’ve wanted to know who you are since the day we met

**chat noir:** but i only want to know if you’re comfortable telling me

**ladybug:** okay

**ladybug:** i mean you’d probably figure it out soon enough once you know who has a miraculous and who doesn’t

**ladybug:** but uh

**ladybug:** i’m marrinette

**ladybug:** goddamnit

**ladybug:** marinette

**ladybug:** i’m marinette

**ladybug:** now i can’t even spell my own name

**ladybug:** chat?

**ladybug:** you’re not responding

**chat noir:** you’re telling me

**chat noir:** that the two most incredible girls in my life are the same person

**ladybug:** yes?

**ladybug:** i mean i wouldn’t say incredible but yeah

**chat noir:** i’m so dumb how did i not realise this before

**chat noir:** and yes i would say incredible

**chat noir:** you’re so brave and kind and talented and somehow manage to do everything without even breaking a sweat

**ladybug:** i mean i don’t know about not breaking a sweat but thanks

**ladybug:** you really think that?

**chat noir:** yeah of course

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_9:58 am_ ** **]**

**mr monkey man:** are ladybug and chat noir going to say anything?

**mr monkey man:** this feels like mum and dad left us home alone

**of the homosexual variety:** sdsdgjhgdghk

**turtle man:** you’re not wrong though

**human tardis:** who do we vote to be replacement parents while they’re gone

**human tardis:** i vote viperion for father he seems responsible

**buzz buzz bitch:** i agree

**mr monkey man:** what about rena for mother?

**turtle man:** she’s more of a wine aunt

**turtle man:** sorry babe

**of the homosexual variety:** no that’s fair

**buzz buzz bitch:** what about ryuko

**buzz buzz bitch:** she also seems responsible

**human tardis:** so it’s agreed? ryuko and viperion are now our adopted parents

**the avatar:** I have no idea what’s happening but okay

{ _ human tardis changed the avatar’s name to mother 2: electric boogaloo _ }

{ _ mr monkey man changed snek boi’s name to father 2: electric boogaloo _ }

**mr monkey man:** teamwork

**human tardis:** makes the dream work

**father 2: electric boogaloo:** what is this

**of the homosexual variety:** did ladybug or chat noir not tell you?

**father 2: electric boogaloo:** no? there was a miraculous on my bed with a piece of paper showing me how to connect to my phone

**father 2: electric boogaloo:** then i had to go do some errands and i didn’t have time to check it out

**father 2: electric boogaloo:** and now we’re here

**of the homosexual variety:** oh

**of the homosexual variety:** well we’re the heroes of paris i guess

**of the homosexual variety:** lb and cn aren’t here at the moment but if you scroll up you should be able to see what’s been going on

**father 2: electric boogaloo:** oh

**father 2: electric boogaloo:** oh shit 

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah

**spiderman but different:** what is going on

**the chat’s meow:** we leave for five minutes

**ponyboy:** it was more like 12 actually

**spiderman but different:** not the point

**spiderman but different:** i’m revoking parent privileges

{  _ spiderman but different changed father 2: electric boogaloo’s name to snek boi _ }

{  _ spiderman but different changed mother 2: electric boogaloo’s name to the avatar _ }

**mr monkey man:** you’re no fun

{  _ the chat’s meow changed spiderman but different’s name to mother of eight _ }

{ _ the chat’s meow changed their name to father of eight _ }

**mother of eight:** okay anyway

**mother of eight:** we don’t have much time left in our free period bc i know that most of you have science next and ms mendeleiev won’t let us talk in class

**mother of eight:** so we need to make the most of it

**human tardis:** how do you know we science

**mother of eight:** i’m ladybug i know all

**buzz buzz bitch:** how do you know we have a free period now

**mother of eight:** you know exactly why shut up

**mother of eight:** ANYWAY

**mother of eight:** let me finish before i lose my shit

**mother of eight:** i’m going to assume that you all know what’s happened

**mother of eight:** gabriel ‘asshole’ agreste is hawkbitch etc etc

**mother of eight:** …

**mother of eight:** goddamnit now i can’t remember what i was going to say

**mother of eight:** OH

**mother of eight:** don’t leave adrien alone

**mother of eight:** i’ve got all your schedules

**mother of eight:** i’ve almost finished a timetable so that at least two people are able to see him at all times

**mother of eight:** i’ll try to get that to you all by the end of art but be especially careful today

**mother of eight:** i wouldn’t put it past them to try and get him during school

**mother of eight:** anyway go talk or whatever i’m done now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha it's been a while. honestly i just kinda forgot about it for a while and then what i was writing wasn't working. but it's here now! i (probably) won't go AWOL like that again because i kinda have an idea of where it's going again but you never know. anyway, i hope you liked it!


	8. secret identity? we don't know her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previously, on never gonna giVE YOU UP: plans were made to keep adrien safe from mothman and everyone else has joined the beat up gabriel agreste squad

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_3:43 pm_ ** **]**

**buzz buzz bitch:** wait

**buzz buzz bitch:** you’re telling me that gabriel agreste, a world-renowned fashion designer, _willingly_ made the outfits of all those akumas like _that_

**human tardis:** oh god he did

**of the homosexual variety:** do you think he designed them in advance? like general ideas and all that

**father of eight:** asdfhgfhjkl

**mother of eight:** as an aspiring fashion designer who used to look up to him before i met him, i can now say i have lost any inch of respect i still had for him

**buzz buzz bitch:** amen

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:19 pm_ ** **]**

**turtle man:** i’m bored who wants to play uno

**of the homosexual variety:** suer babe

**mother of eight:** suer

**mr monkey man:** gOddamnit

**father of eight:** suer

**turtle man:** what?

**mr monkey man:** oh i had a bet with my friend that you two were dating. I just lost 5 euros

**turtle man:** oh

**buzz buzz bitch:** suer

**[** **_private message: carapace + ladybug_ ** **]**

**carapace:** kim is roi singe isn’t he

**ladybug:** yeah

**ladybug:** that was fast

**ladybug:** faster than it took you to figure out alya

**carapace:** shut up

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:23 pm_ ** **]**

**turtle man:** i’m going to the school we were all at today if anyone wants to join me and rena for uno

**human tardis:** on my way

**buzz buzz bitch:** we’re coming

**the avatar:** i’ll try to get away from my mother

**snek boi:** can i bring my sister?

**snek boi:** she already knows who i am

**mother of eight:** uhhhhhh

**mother of eight:** she’s on the list of people who could get a miraculous but not today

**mother of eight:** probably soon though with the rate hawkbitch is going at

**snek boi:** okay cool

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_5:42 pm_ ** **]**

**mr monkey man:** where are you guys

**buzz buzz bitch:** on the roof playing uno

**mr monkey man:** no? you’re not?

**human tardis:** yes? we are? we’ve already done like three rounds

**mr monkey man:** i can’t see you

**buzz buzz bitch:** what school are you at

**mr monkey man:** the one across the seine by eiffel

**mr monkey man:** uhhhh international school of paris?

**human tardis:** we’re at francois dupont dipshit

**human tardis:** why would we be there

**mr monkey man:** because when carapace said the school we were at today i assumed it would be the one that an akuma came from that we all went to

**human tardis:** no he meant the one that literally everyone except viperion and ryuko is enrolled at

**mr monkey man:** i’m sorry what

**human tardis:** you didn’t know?

**mr monkey man:** no? we all go to the same school?

**human tardis:** you know what

**human tardis:** i’ll let you have your crisis but come play uno if you want

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_7:19 pm_ ** **]**

**of the homosexual variety:** i’m sorry wHAT

**buzz buzz bitch:** haven’t you figured everyone out yet?

**of the homosexual variety:** no? have you

**buzz buzz bitch:** yeah ages ago

**buzz buzz bitch:** it wasn’t hard

{ _buzz buzz bitch changed of the homosexual variety’s name to worst journalist_ }

**worst journalist:** hey that’s mean

**buzz buzz bitch:** you’ll live

**worst journalist:** but also how?

**buzz buzz bitch:** i had my suspicions but once i knew about you and nino it was easy

**buzz buzz bitch:** you should be able to figure it out now you know about adrien

**worst journalist:** i still don’t get it

**buzz buzz bitch:** who else is in our friend group that isn’t here

**worst journalist:** marinette?

**worst journalist:** but chat said she was multimouse

**buzz buzz bitch:** and also had access to the fox miraculous as well as any other one she wanted

**worst journalist:** …

**worst journalist:** i need to have words with her

**human tardis:** oh hey you guys figured it out too

**buzz buzz bitch:** you know too?

**human tardis:** time travel remember?

**buzz buzz bitch:** oh right

**human tardis:** also you are all really bad with secrets

**worst journalist:** i’m starting to think i deserve title of worst journalist

**mother of eight:** i would make you delete the messages before anyone else sees but i honestly don’t care at this point

**worst journalist:** MARINETTE GODDAMN DUPAIN CHENG

**mother of eight:** that’s me

_worst journalist is typing…_

_worst journalist is typing…_

**worst journalist:** you know what i can’t even be mad

**worst journalist:** my best friend is ladybug

**worst journalist:** that’s pretty frickin cool

**worst journalist:** oh wow how did i not see this before

**worst journalist:** you have the worst excuses i have ever heard

**mother of eight:** wait alix how long have you known

**human tardis:** uhhhhhh a couple months? around when there was that akuma who turned everyone’s shoes into flowerpots

**buzz buzz bitch:** that was a weird one

**mother of eight:** it didn’t even affect us because we don’t wear shoes

**worst journalist:** wait alix?

**human tardis:** yeah?

**worst journalist:** you’re alix

**worst journalist:** do i know everyone in here

**buzz buzz bitch:** yep

**worst journalist:** oh my god

**worst journalist:** i might just go die now

**human tardis:** no don’t die you’re so sexy ahaha

**worst journalist:** ok not die

**worst journalist:** just sleep for a very long time

**mother of eight:** okay have fun

**worst journalist:** i will Not

**worst journalist:** i might just go reconsider my life choices

**human tardis:** also mari, question

**human tardis:** why did you think transforming behind a literal tree in the middle of a park was ever a good idea

**mother of eight:** oKay

**mother of eight:** there was an akuma right there

**mother of eight:** it was manon who’s a nightmare without superpowers

**mother of eight:** besides no one but you saw right?

**human tardis:** it was a crowded street in the middle of the day

**mother of eight:** shit

**mother of eight:** well it’s fine

**mother of eight:** something would have happened by now and nothing has

**human tardis:** true

**human tardis:** still a dumb idea tho

**mother of eight:** okay i get it dumb idea

{ _father of eight changed mother of eight’s name to ladybuguette_ }

**ladybuguette:** chat you are not funny

**father of eight:** i think i am and that’s all that matters

**ladybuguette:** not really but okay

**ladybuguette:** it means someone else gets to change your name though

**father of eight:** i am mostly okay with that

{ _buzz buzz bitch changed father of eight’s name to magical anime girl™_ }

**magical anime girl™:** i am not okay with that

**buzz buzz bitch:** i mean you kind of are the perfect anime protagonist

**magical anime girl™:** and how do you know that?

**buzz buzz bitch:** 1) that is entirely your fault

**buzz buzz bitch:** and 2) the internet

**magical anime girl™:** yeah thats fair

{ _magical anime girl™ changed their name to feline claw-ful_ }

**ladybuguette:** absolutely not

**feline claw-ful:** whyever not

**ladybuguette:** you will not be feeling awful on my watch

{ _ladybuguette changed feline claw-ful’s name to purr-ty boy_ }

**purr-ty boy:** _you punned?_

**ladybuguette:** what do you not like it?

**purr-ty boy:** ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*(*❦ω❦)*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

**purr-ty boy:** _i love it_

**human tardis:** how the actual hell did you do that

**human tardis:** actually no i do not want to know

**buzz buzz bitch:** good call

**[** **_miracu-squad_ ** **||** **_11:58 pm_ ** **]**

**turtle man:** you know how i had that list of people i would beat up if i ever got a miraculous

**turtle man:** and it was just hawkmoth and adrien’s dad

**turtle man:** and when i got a miraculous chat noir’s dad was added to it

**turtle man:** they’re all the same person

**turtle man:** which really says something about him

**buzz buzz bitch:** just punch him with the power of a thousand burning suns

**turtle man:** i plan on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a chapter posted within a reasonable time? who'da thunk it. i might actually have a decent posting schedule in the future because i have Ideas but i can't make any promises because I've got a bunch of school stuff due in the next few weeks. but! i also have a couple of other projects that should be up within a couple of months at latest (hopefully). anyway, i hoped you liked the chapter, it was kind of a filler but i enjoyed writing it
> 
> my tumblr  
> my mlb tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> it's a group chat fic! i wrote this while stressing about tests be proud of me please. also, real talk, the end creditouilles are a real thing i discovered and they're actually really good? so. go listen. also, the thing with spotify works. i too am like marinette and do that while walking to school. anyway, yeah. can someone tell me what turtle you think nino is because i haven't watched the show in years and now i really want to watch tmnt even if it's just for turtle puns etc. that's me done, have a nice day :D


End file.
